At Moe's

When mom calls and wants to know where we want to meet for dinner, she runs through a list of options, "Do you want Olive Garden? Uno's? Mariachi's? Um, one of those other places in Lansdowne? Uh...Mimi's?"
I answer that I'm tired of eating out and I'm not really into any of those places but want to know which are the other places she's describing in Lansdowne, but she doesn't know. Mom says she'll call Matt and Lisa and find out what they want.
A few minutes later she calls back to report that Matt and Lisa won't be joining us and she has gotten no further on the dinner location decision. "How about this," she says, "How about MIMI's?!" with extra emphasis. I tell mom that I don't want to eat there and she's the only one who likes that place.
"Oh, I'm the only one who likes Mimi's?" she repeats, but as if she was verifying that information with herself.
We end up picking Moe's, which mom hates, but the rest of us like enough because it is Mexican and you don't have to wait for someone to serve you so you can get in and out fairly quick. Mom orders the Triple Lindy burrito, but complains that it is too spicy when she sits down to eat it at the table. She asks my dad a couple times if there's something spicy in her burrito to which he answers, "I don't know, you ordered it."
Later we are talking about a television news program that featured the prototype for a car that can drive itself. Mom, infamous for her highway travels, professes that she cannot wait for the robot car. She then relates that she imagines the driver will be that salsa cyborg from those Chi-Chi's commercials, repeatedly saying "I want chicken and chi-chi's."

At Sweetwater Tavern, again

With nearly everyone's day off or vacation making them available for lunch, my parents, my aunt Sylvia, my brother, and I all met up at Sweetwater Tavern. Matt arrived late so there was lots of time for mom to review the menu to decide what she wanted, which was to copy my aunt's order. Mom had the Monterey Salad with Spiced Pecans but, like aunt Sylvia, she wanted grilled chicken, not fried. Additionally, mom wanted her chicken, "BLACKENED" which she said with a little gesture of her hand that I don't know meant anything. She also had coffee, but only wanted it if it was fresh.
Though mom had been responsible for picking the restaurant location, she was unhappy with building's construction (the warehouse style ceiling does not help absorb sound), nor the choice to blast psychedelic 60's rock over the restaurant's sound system where we had to keep asking each other to repeat what was said over "Free Bird."

At IHOP

Both my parents were off today, as was I, so when they invited me to a late lunch around 2pm I figured, "why not?" As one of the only non-senior citizens in the place, I was disappointed to see that the menu had changed a lot since the last time I had been, which was probably awhile ago. Mom had the menu and all the assorted add on menus scattered in front of her, but was staring off into space.
"You know what you want?" dad asked her, bringing her back to Earth, and panic-stricken, she shuffled them about and wanted to know what we were eating.
Of course she ordered last, but proceeded to order the exact thing my dad ordered (blueberry pancakes, hash browns, eggs over easy, bacon, and a side order of grits(except for turkey bacon, she wanted it real, yet later claimed she did not know they had turkey bacon)) but in a completely different way so that she confused our easily confused waiter. Although mom drinks coffee anytime of the day and never needs a coffee partner, she actually ordered a glass of tomato juice instead and she heard my dad was not having coffee.
After our orders arrived, my parents argued about where grits come from. They were both right, grits come from grain as well as hominy.
Later, the waiter brought us a random bottle of ketchup after the check had already come and none of us had requested it.

At Aunt Barb's

We go to my aunt Barbara's house for dinner and to celebrate my dad's birthday. For dinner there is an assortment of different chili dishes (for the picky/non-meat eaters (aka me)), salad, chips, yada, yada, yada. When I ask my mom what she ate because I wasn't paying attention to her plate she answers, "Chili and cake!" which is half right. She also had the salad and bread and, yes, wine. During the dinner discussion, mom wants to know where my uncle's son is living in Alaska because she thinks she knows someone who knows someone from there and they might know each other because Alaska is totally small! Mom also takes a poll on how many people from our family are left handed because, as we all know, lefties are her peeps and she needs to keep a running total on her clan. Dad passed around his digital camera which had a picture of him and Kevin Bacon in it, taken when the Bacon brothers were at his work. The photo may have been accidentally erased while we were sitting there.
When the cake comes out my dad spoils the birthday fun for everyone by blowing out the candles as soon as they are lit, before anyone can sing or take photographs. It was like all the air had gone out of the room: everyone did that intake of breath to start singing and went "Ha-OHHH!" My aunt Peggy wanted to relight the candles but instead dad agrees to make a pretend blowing-out-candles-face over the cake for a photo op. Mom enjoys cake and ice cream for dessert and double fists the rest of her wine and coffee.

At the mall food court

Because we're kind of waiting on my aunt, mom keeps delaying lunch until we end up eating around 3pm, still without my aunt. Mom hates the food court but we both end up getting pizza from Sabarros, where mom held up the line before choosing a slice of cheese pizza (daring!) that she promptly loaded up with pepper flakes. We sit down and start chatting when mom interrupts me talking about work to ask about a pimple on my face because I am 30 years old and she is still obsessed with my skin. I give her a pass and ignore it the first time but when she asks me a few minutes later and tries to touch my face, I tell her to cut it out and swat her hand away, which probably got us a few looks from the other food court diners.
Meanwhile, mom had showed up with yellow paint all over her face (she was painting at home) and I had let her know so she could clean it off. She is obsessed with my face but didn't bother to look in the mirror before leaving home.

At Olive Garden

As cheesy as it sounds, we end up going to the Olive Garden a lot.
The waitress wants to know if we'd like to try a sample glass of their new wine. Mom says no, but then thinks better of it and then says "YES!" as soon as she hears it's a red wine, which is her lifeblood. Mom savors the free glass of mooched wine without even a second thought of ordering and paying for a legitimate glass. This wine isn't exactly up to her red wine standards, but that doesn't prevent her from emptying the glass.
No matter how many times we go, my mom almost always gets the same thing, even though it takes her nine million years to decide and she wants to be the last person to order. Her standard Olive Garden order is the Eggplant Parmigiana, BUT my mom also wants 2 (she always holds up her fingers to make sure our waiter or waitress gets this important request) additional meatballs to go with her spaghetti. What makes this order funny is that mom starts off telling them that she doesn't want any of the cheese or her meal, as if she's going the healthy route (because fried eggplant is totally healthy anyway), but then drops the meatball bomb that she essentially wants two dinners (she doesn't eat the whole thing, only half and takes the leftovers home). The waitress reminds her that she will have to pay extra for the meatballs, which my mom is ok with, but she didn't used to when she would just order one extra meatball and I guess it was on the house. I guess Olive Garden wised up to her and her freebee wine and additional meatball wanting ways.
Also, when my mom orders her salad it is very important for her to get caesar salad dressing on the side (the fact that Olive Garden does not up front offer a selection of dressings is offensive to her and if she's feeling like it she will tell them so) and a plate of butter to go with her breadsticks.
When the check comes, mom tries to bogart all the andes candies mints!

At Vapiano's

I have decided that this blog will not only record what mom had for dinner, but also on occasion, what she had for lunch (see "wmh4l").
I met mom at the mall for lunch at Vapiano's, an Italian restaurant that mom thinks is German because the manager is German. She has also told him that was born in Germany. Mom likes to vocally identify herself with other Europeans, as well as other left-handed people.
The best part of ordering at Vapiano's is that you have to pronounce the Italian dishes to the person cooking your meal. Mom had the arrabbiata with taglioni noodles, but stumbled with the words. She also had coffee to drink because no matter what time of day it is or how many cups she has already had, mom is ready to drink coffee.

At Mariachi's

Running late, I missed the big event of the evening. Mom felt that the lighting was too bright for a pleasant dinning atmosphere and requested to the waiter that the lights be dimmed. I was informed what happened next was that the lights were lowered completely and that everyone was in the dark, then the waiter tried to bring back up the lights as the kitchen staff rushed out to see if the power had gone off or what. This on/off routine went on for awhile as the poor waiter attempted to get the lights back to normal. My mom also thought that the artwork on the walls was not centered nor low enough, but kept this thought to herself, this time.
Since we were waiting for my brother we had more than enough time to go through the entire menu where mom interviewed everyone on what they were having, then asking what page of the menu that item was so she could read it herself. After going back and forth between different meals, in the end she succumbed to peer pressure and ordered the Santa Fe platter (which was what everyone else was having), but instead of ordering it, she told the waiter that she was going to "make it unanimous," confusing him completely since he was not familiar with that word and it was not on the menu.

At Cheesecake Factory

Right away mom starts thinking out loud about her selection, leaning toward the Chicken Tostada (still on the mind from last week?), but she wants to know what everyone else is having first. We take turns going around the table saying what we are planning on ordering. Mom wonders if she should order the Fried Macaroni, but wants to know if anyone has ever ordered the Garlic Noodles. Then she wants to know what we're all ordering again because she's already forgotten. The waiter returns to take our orders, mom of course wants to go last, but she forgets to ask him his opinion on her choice and instead tells him in a very halting speech that she wants the "GRILLED.CHICKEN.AND.AVOCADO.CLUB?" but her voice goes up on "club" and it sounds like she's uncertain in her choice. Once the waiter leaves the table mom laments the fact that she didn't ask for his opinion on what to eat.

Over dinner, mom tells us about a violent movie my dad picked out from Blockbuster for them to watch the previous evening, but aside from that she can provide no further details, including who was in it or the film's title.

At Sweetwater Tavern

My mom, who had been waiting at the restaurant the longest, requests to order last. Mom asks the waitress which is better: the Sweetwater Roast Chicken Salad or the Chicken Tostada. The waitress recommends the Chicken Tostada, which is what my mom orders, but forgets by the time they start bringing out the plates. She enjoys the tostada and is pleased with her choice.
Also, my brother was informed his butt smelled and that he needed to leave the restaurant by a waiter who snuck up behind him and happens to be his friend.